"My ship went down
In a sea of sound
When I woke up alone I had everything,
A handful of moments I wished I could change
And a tongue like a nightmare that cut like a blade.
In a city of fools,
I was careful and cool,
But they tore me apart like a hurricane...
A handful of moments I wished I could change
But I was carried away."
Depressing. What you have just read are the lyrics of one of my favorite songs in the entire world - Therapy by All Time Low. Right now, I feel strange. Too old to complain but too young to know what to do. Ahh, the stress of being a teenager, I guess. All the things you want need to control, but can't and all the things you can control, you destroy. Does that happen with everybody or is it just me? I completely get what Charlie was saying in Perks right now as I type on my computer. Being a teenager sucks and rules, both at the same time. You're just in the middle not knowing what you're gonna do with your life or where you'll end up, just a silent blur of the things that hurt you and the things that don't. I'll be going to college in two years time and that might seem like a long time but, I have been thinking of a course for like, 3 years already and still, nothing catches my attention (Well, CFAD and Comm Arts did, but I don't think my parents would agree). Sigh.
What does all that depression talk have to do with my chosen blogfit (blog outfit :D) ? Simple. Clothes are my therapy.
"Therapy...I'm a walking travesty
But I'm smiling at everything.Therapy...You were never a friend to me
And you can choke on your misery."
You know how some people eat tons of food when they're stressed? Or how some people shop and spend to make themselves feel better? Or the most common one, (I do it everyday), put their earphones in and tune out the world? (You do that too, I bet). Well, for me, trying on clothes and putting them together is my therapy. I don't feel stupid or silly at all. Standing in the mirror thinking if this matches with that and if those shoes match with this shirt makes me feel good. I feel like I'm building a facade, making myself invisible behind clothes. As if I'm transforming into another person. The one without the fat, without the stress, without the pressure and without the insecurities. The one that can actually be someone someday. Someone that's got it all figured out, and someone that actually knows where they're supposed to go.
In the mean time I'll just make this blahhh blur all worth it. Now that I think of it, the teenage phase is meant to be confusing. It's the time where we find ourselves, our real selves. It's where we have fun and don't give a damn but when you mess it up, what's ahead of you can be erased. I believe in destiny, but I also believe that making mistakes changes destiny. I mean, if Bella would have chosen Jacob instead of Edward she wouldn't have ended up as vampire, would she? Choosing paths and finding lanes and having a hell of a time doing it, teenage years. It's hard because you're expected to do good but easy because if you fail, you still have a lot of time to make it right. Carpe Diem, right?
This is one of the outfits I put together at night, trying on clothes when I should be sleeping. I chose this one because it's kind of bipolar. Half happy and half sad, half warm and half cold. Teenage life LIFE is bipolar. An endless roller coaster that makes me dizzy but hey, you're not always at the bottom right?
(denim jacket - thrifted/ mint origami skort - @cuttingedgemnl/ creepers - @androgynemanila, shirt- Get Laud!/ bowler hat - SM Dept Store)
Faded denim, lost in the clouds
five days of broken hearts
disturbed minds and
deteriorated parts
Distress, not long
but forever, despair
poisoned every nook
slit every stare
One in a crowd
cacophony of sound
who am I then?
Blurred face, army of men
As light seeps
shadows retreat,
Sorrow loses, joy reaps
puzzle pieces meet
Burned, not defeated
wilted, not beaten
rise again, phoenix
the dark will weaken
- The End of the Tunnel; Lia Paderon
Sincerely still confused and might forever be confused,
Lia ♡
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